You know, that story. The one that keeps niggling in the back of your mind when you’re scrubbing off your significant other’s ill-fated foray into barbecue. Your eyes glaze over, thicker than the residue coating that dang pan, and somehow, you’re there. Chapter one, that steamy scene, or the big dust-up. Your story. The one you keep promising yourself you’re going to write.

The dream. Your dream. Bubbling around in your head like dish soap gone wild—

*POP*

Kid number two just stabbed kid number one, ironically with a No.2 pencil.

Reality reasserts itself. What the hell were you thinking? There’s no way—

Stop it. There is. It’s totally possible. Not only possible, inevitable, once you shift your mindset. How you ask, juggling iodine and Band-Aids — man, if you could see the shade you’re casting in my direction — right. Here it is. You ready?

You need to believe you, and your creative needs, are important.

Yep. Go ahead and throw your hands up, but be careful. Shout ain’t gonna get that iodine out. Sorry, I’m laughing, but I’m totally serious. Just think about it for a minute. All those little things you squeeze into your day. A second dinner for kid number two’s gluten intolerance. Planning to leave the house ten minutes sooner so your littlest can tie their shoes by themselves. An hour of your life sucked away on hold to sort out some insurance calamity, then when you finally get to a real person, another forty-five trying to patch your significant other into the convo, thank you very little, HIPPA. And yeah, that was super specific, with good reason.

“Hold up,” you say, “all of those things are important!”

No… not all of those things the people we do them for are. Now don’t get me wrong, I get that the wheels would totally fall off the bus if we weren’t driving, but there are rest stops for a reason. And if mama ain’t happy… well, you know how that goes, and apologies to the dudes out there reading this, but hey, I write what I know.

Look, the mindset shift that I’m talking about is that our needs as caregivers are just as important as those we love, and don’t get it twisted — I mean needs above and beyond showering regularly. It’s a sad fact that feeding our creative side is the first casualty in the war for sanity, but it shouldn’t be. We’re writers, and that creativity is essential to who we are. It’s a necessity, and it should be more satisfying than whatever leftovers you wolfed down from your kid’s plate standing in front of the sink.

How did we get back to the sink? I ask myself that all the time, along with why I walked into any given room. Not because I’m super old, but because of the distractions every freaking time I turn around. Someone’s texting, a phone rings, kids are, well, kids, and my husband can’t find the keys that are right in front of him—

Deep breath. This is your moment.

Think The Matrix. Bullets are flying, time slows, and Neo’s bent backwards. His priority? Well, not to get shot, duh. Do the same, and dodge, baby. Don’t let your creativity take a bullet if it doesn’t have to.

Yeah, it’s all about setting priorities and boundaries. Dodging those distractions that eat up your time (looking at you, social media) and give you zero back. The proverbial junk food in your life padding the clock worse than brownies on your hips. I’ll be honest, as a connoisseur of all things salty and sweet, this is a hard one, especially if you’re rocking the “it’s faster if I just do it myself,” mantra. I’ll tell you from experience the “teach a man to fish” mentality is a heck of a lot more effective. And seriously, stop with the guilt about it already. You’re allowed to have needs. You’re allowed to have time to yourself. Heck, you’re even allowed to enjoy it!

So where to start?

Whelp, I’ll let you in on a secret. Not everything in your life needs to take precedence. I’m talking about the noise. You’d be surprised how bizarrely satisfying it is to let the phone go to voicemail, or not answering that text / email right away. You know, those little distractions that end up with you indulging in your social media poison of choice, and an hour wasted. Seriously. Ignore the damned ping. Blow a raspberry at it, then repeat: “Nope. Me-time.” Yes, the raspberry is mandatory, and full disclosure, I always envision my voice sounds like Samuel L. Jackson’s. The me-time is also followed by a four-syllable explicative. But I digress. Try the raspberry protocol for yourself. The goal here’s two-fold. First, the me-time, which prioritizes your needs, and second, the smile you get from doing something silly. That smile is the first step in re-wiring your brain to derive pleasure from putting yourself, and your creative needs, first.

And here’s the thing.

When those around us see us prioritizing our creative needs, it becomes a priority for them too. “Shh, Mom’s working,” is stage-whispered in my house just as often as “Shh, Dad’s taking a nap.” Weird, right?

Not really. Prakash Joshi Pax said: “The way you treat yourself is how others will treat you.” That translates directly into your writing / life balance. When you stop reacting to the ping of technology like one of Pavlov’s dogs, and begin to treat yourselves and your creative needs as a priority, they become one. Now, don’t get me wrong, I’m still scrubbing at barbecue remnants, and my kids are, well, kids. That’s life, and we each have our own special dumpster fire to tend. But by asserting your needs over the noise and embracing the importance of our creative side, it’s no longer about finding that rare, stolen moment. Those have always been there for what’s important to you.

Now it’s time to add yourself to the list.

AK Nevermore is an emerging author of science fiction and urban fantasy. Her books explore dark worlds, perversely irreverent and profound, and always entertaining. She enjoys operating heavy machinery, freebases coffee, and gives up sarcasm for Lent every year.

 A Jane-of-all-trades, she’s a certified chef, restores antiques, and dabbles in beekeeping when she’s not reading voraciously or running down the dream in her beat-up camo Chucks. Unable to ignore the voices in her head, and unwilling to become medicated, she writes full-time. Her literary aspirations have led her to complete several writing courses, a smattering of mentorships, and has been long-listed by the Australian Writer’s Centre. She also belongs to the Author’s Guild, is a chapter secretary for the RWA, teaches creative writing, and on the rare occasion, sleeps.

You can find her on her website and follow her on Facebook and Twitter.

The post Changing Your Mindset: Why Valuing Yourself Should Be Your Next Step as a Writer appeared first on DIY MFA.

Keeping up with these practices ensures that I take the needed breaks away from writing throughout the day and keeps me in tune with my needs. These five practices are quick and easy, so I can be consistent. 

There is a long list of health and self-care practices to choose from. These are the ones I have found most important and beneficial for me. Of course, I’d recommend giving them a try yourself, but everybody is different. You have to figure out what works best for you. 

What practices best fit your needs, schedule, and lifestyle so that you can stay happy and healthy as you write? 

1. Spend Time Outside 

I’ve learned the hard way that fresh air and sunshine are essential to being a functional human being. I’ve gone through periods where I was only outside long enough to get to work and back, spending the rest of the day under artificial lights, staring at computer screens. No wonder I was always too depressed and exhausted to write. 

Eventually, I wised up and started taking walks on my lunch break and saw drastic changes in my mood and energy levels. 

Working mostly from home now, I can easily go days without leaving the house. During the warmer months, it’s easier to get outside: working in the garden, barbecuing, or sitting on the porch to read. 

But winters are much harder. I’ve had to push myself into the habit of taking short daily walks. Often tricking myself by spreading out errands over the course of a couple of days. One day I’ll do my grocery shopping, the next a run to the library, and then another I’ll treat myself to a mini shopping spree at the dollar store. 

2. Move My Body 

I can spend hours sitting in the same position in front of a computer, tv, or reading a book. But it wreaks havoc on my body. Especially, when I’m hard at work and focused on writing. 

Maybe it’s just me but does it seem like the more intensely focused on writing you are, the more you hunch over your keyboard? 

Even with good posture, it’s not good for anybody to be in the same position for hours. I always end up feeling stiff, achy, and sore, which drains my motivation to jump back to writing the next day. 

To help prevent the stiffness, I’ve begun starting my day with a few minutes of stretching and maybe even a short yoga session. I’ll usually do it after journaling and before I really get into serious writing, otherwise I lose track of time and forget. 

After a couple of hours of writing, late morning or early afternoon I’m ready for a break. I’d like to say I work out every day, but that’s not true. While I do squeeze in a few short workouts a week, most often I just walk. I enjoy it and I can kill two birds with one stone, moving my body and getting outside. 

It’s one of the best things I can do for my writing. I can’t count the number of times I’ve had a writing epiphany during these walks and came back home even more excited about whatever I was writing. 

3. Treat Myself 

I make sure that every day I find a way to treat myself. I change it up from day to day. It’s usually something small and spontaneous to reward myself for a good writing day or as comfort when things haven’t been going so well. Most often it’s something I can pick up from the local dollar store, a piece of candy, a pen, or cheap art supplies. 

Some days I’ll plan ahead and use it as something to look forward to, a favorite meal, an indulgent dessert, or a long hot bath. 

Regardless, it keeps me motivated to accomplish whatever goal I set for the day. 

When I have had a particularly bad day or week, I’ll give myself an afternoon or even a whole day off to binge whatever show I’m currently obsessed with. It might sound counterproductive, but sometimes we all really just need to give ourselves a break.

4. Embrace Silence and Stillness

I used to be the kind of person that always needed background noise. I’d write, read, and work with music or the TV on to fill in the silence. It’s taken me many years and many abandoned daily meditation practices to really learn how to enjoy and embrace stillness and silence. 

I was a victim of the busy mindset, thinking that to be productive I should always be doing something. This was especially discouraging when writing was hard, and it felt like I was spending more time thinking about writing instead of actually writing. But I’ve come to understand that quieting my brain can help me connect with my creativity and reach a state of flow. 

Every morning before I even take my first sip of coffee, I’ll sit and just do nothing for a few minutes. I try not to think about anything, take a couple of deep breaths and just sit with that silence. 

If I can remember, I’ll repeat it throughout the day when switching from one task to another. Again, I’ll just take a couple of breaths and try to clear my mind before moving on to something new. 

5. Read for Fun 

I was a bookworm from a very young age and was naturally drawn to writing. My desire to write was a direct result of my love of reading. But somewhere along the way, it became a requirement of the job and not something simply for enjoyment. I learned that you needed to read like a writer, interpreting words/lines/sentences, identifying themes, and picking apart the craft elements that made a piece of writing work. 

I’m always reading a couple of books at once. Often it will include a writing craft book, nonfiction research, and writing similar to what I am working on. While I do enjoy reading these books, sometimes it feels too much like work. I get bogged down when I go to pick up a book and think about how it can be applied to my writing. 

I offset this feeling by keeping at least one book handy that I’m reading simply because I know I will enjoy reading it. Even if I only get to read a chapter or two a day, it’s nice to read something just for fun. 

Tell us in the comments: What do you do to stay happy, healthy, and writing?

Born and raised in Brooklyn, New York, Alexis M. Collazo writes in a wide variety of styles, forms, and genres. She’s worked as a freelance writer, copywriter, and content marketing blogger. She is currently working on a memoir written in prose and poetry. After moving to Pennsylvania in 2016, she worked at the local public library where she led monthly writing workshops. In 2021, she was certified as an Amherst Writers and Artists workshop facilitator. She now leads online workshops and hosts write-in sessions, to see current or upcoming events visit www.alexismcollazo.com.

The post #5onFri: Five Daily Practices to Stay Happy, Healthy, and Writing appeared first on DIY MFA.

We tend to think that perfectionists obsess over word choice or comma placement simply because of incredibly high standards, but it goes deeper than that. 

In her book, The Gifts of Imperfection, Brené Brown explains, “There’s a significant difference between perfectionism and healthy striving or striving for excellence. Perfectionism is the belief that if we do things perfectly and look perfect, we can minimize or avoid the pain of blame, judgment, and shame.”

Perfectionism in writers is motivated by the fear that if our work isn’t flawless—and if we can’t execute it easily and effortlessly—it means that we are not good enough and that others will judge us. 

We believe this for two reasons. The first is that perfectionists tend to tie our self-worth to the outcome of our work. If we produce a messy draft or struggle to write a novel, it feels like a sign that we are failures. 

The second reason is that perfectionists tend to have a fixed mindset, meaning that we believe we cannot significantly improve the skills, intelligence, and creativity we have. As such, mistakes seem like proof of our inadequacy. 

Perfectionists develop habits that keep us from putting in a full effort. If we don’t really try, we don’t risk failure. But we also can’t possibly write a book without making mistakes and persevering through uncertainty. So, we feel stuck; we feel like we’re doing something wrong or that we’re not meant to write a book. Perfectionism keeps us safe, but it also keeps us from achieving our goals. 

One of the most challenging things about recognizing and overcoming perfectionism is that it’s sneaky. There are many different ways it can show up for different writers, but here are five common ones: 

1. Procrastinating on writing by researching

Perfectionists procrastinate when we’re afraid. For example, we’re scared that if we attempt to write the next scene and it doesn’t come out right, it means we just don’t have the skills it takes. Thus, we put off starting. 

But doing something “productive,” like researching, can also be procrastinating. 

This is especially true if you find yourself thinking that you can’t possibly start to write until you understand every intricate detail of the historical period your novel is set in or you’ve researched every possible method to plot your story. You may convince yourself that you have to know these things to get your story right, but it’s more likely that the fear of getting it wrong is keeping you from starting.

If this has you stuck, remember that the method you stick with will be the one that works, and you don’t have to know everything before you begin. There is no amount of research that will allow you to write a perfect story on the first try. 

In fact, the thing that can help you move past this is to intentionally write messy. Tell yourself that you’re just practicing the scene that has you afraid or you’re just making notes about what will happen. This takes the pressure off.  

2. Writing only when motivated

Perfectionists often see effort as a sign of inadequacy because we believe that if we were meant to write (i.e., we were born with the gift), writing would be easy. This fuels the idea that we should only write when we’re motivated. If we don’t feel like doing it, we think we won’t produce good work. 

Of course, the case with motivation is that it often comes after we get started. 

Furthermore, if we don’t learn to write when we’re not motivated, we won’t stick with a project long enough to finish it. 

Developing a writing routine can help you learn to start without motivation. Consider scheduling your writing sessions at the beginning of the week (keep your expectations realistic about how much you can do) and work on just opening your laptop at the designated times. That’s all. 

But you’ll probably find that you get some writing done because staring at a blank screen gets old quickly. 

3. Waiting for the right time or idea to get started

This is similar to waiting for motivation, but the underlying thought is that if the time is right or the idea is perfect, it will be easy to write the book. 

Again, we’re trying to find a way to complete a novel without making mistakes, but the writing process is inherently messy. No matter how free your schedule is or how good your idea is, you will have ups and downs. 

Writers who finish their books learn to develop a so-so idea into a really stellar concept. Additionally, they learn to work with the resources they have and to fit their writing practice around their life. 

If you find yourself thinking that you should wait to work on your novel, get curious about the thought. Ask yourself why you feel that way and try to dig down to the underlying emotions. 

Consider freewriting about what comes up and why it doesn’t have to prevent you from starting now. 

4. Feeling like mistakes are a sign of failure

Because of the fixed mindset that perfectionists have, we tend to see mistakes as proof that we are not capable of writing a book. And that translates to the idea that we are a failure. That kind of thinking is all-or-nothing, meaning your efforts either lead to success or failure with no in-between. 

In reality, the in-between is progress, and even mistakes count as progress. Because the opposite of a fixed mindset is a growth mindset—or a belief that you can develop your intelligence, skills, and creativity through practice. 

When you embrace this mindset, mistakes become a learning opportunity, and they help you see where you can grow and improve. 

5. Resisting getting feedback

Many writers struggle to get feedback on our work because we often feel that it is personal. It’s that much more difficult for perfectionists who have tied their worth to their writing. And when we believe we can’t get better, that negative feedback feels like a spotlight on our flaws. Who’d willingly subject themselves to that? 

But feedback doesn’t have to be personal. 

In fact, what helped me change my relationship to feedback is the idea that it tells you more about the person offering the critique than it tells you about yourself or your work. Feedback shows you what your reviewer’s preferences are, and—if they represent your ideal reader—if your work is connecting. It is not a sign that you’ve done something wrong or that you are wrong. 

I share this because I spent too long thinking that I wasn’t perfect enough to be a perfectionist. But all along, it was perfectionism—my fear of being imperfect—that was keeping me from finishing every writing project I started. 

It made me feel like I had no hope as a writer if I couldn’t produce a flawless draft easily. And even though I knew perfection wasn’t possible, perfectionism still drove me to avoid making mistakes. 

The good thing is that perfectionism is not a trait you’re stuck with. It’s just a mindset and set of habits, both of which you can change. 

The key is to remember that overcoming perfectionism—like writing a novel—is a messy process and it doesn’t happen overnight. But with consistent effort and a willingness to persist through setbacks, you can do it!

Tell us in the comments: What helps you get over your perfectionism?

Heather Campbell is a book coach who helps writers develop tools to overcome their perfectionism and mindset blocks so they can create lasting and effective writing habits to complete a novel. When she’s not immersed in fiction, she’s running in the fresh mountain air of Colorado or snuggling with her rescue dog, Chase. Find out more at www.thewriterremedy.com and follow her on Instagram

The post #5onFri: Five Sneaky Ways Perfectionism Sabotages Your Writing appeared first on DIY MFA.

Have you signed up to be a DIY MFA Radio Insider yet? This is an exciting new monthly newsletter, especially for our podcast listeners. Every month, you’ll get an email from our podcast producer with recaps of the most recent episodes, a curated Listening List of episodes on a particular theme, and other fun goodies we only share via email. Best of all, it’s free to join! The theme for January is debut writers, and you can become an insider by signing up with your email at diymfa.com/insiders.

In this episode Sue Campbell and I discuss:

• False stories writers tell themselves about marketing and why it isn’t as scary as you think.
• How to shift your thoughts about marketing—Sue shares some exercises to help!
• Why getting hard feedback early on is actually advantageous for you later on.

Plus, her #1 tip for writers.

About Sue Campbell

As founder of Pages & Platforms, Sue Campbell is the mindset and book marketing coach writers look to when they are ready to honor their dreams, address the negative stories they’re telling themselves, and share their work with their ideal readers to maximize the impact of their words.

Sue has helped hundreds of writers, from newbies to bestsellers, transform their inhibitive mindset around marketing and realize their full potential as authors. Her clients have exponentially increased their email lists and book sales, landed articles in prestigious publications such as The New York Times, done guest spots on popular podcasts, and more.

Sue helps writers opt out of harmful stories they tell themselves and carve out the creative life they’ve always known they were meant to have.

You can find Sue on her website or follow her on Facebook, Twitter, and Instagram.

Link to Episode 394

(Right-click to download.)

If you liked this episode…

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Until next week, keep writing and keep being awesome!

The post Episode 394: What Stories Are You Telling Yourself? Marketing Mindset Shifts for Writers – Interview with Sue Campbell appeared first on DIY MFA.

The new year always makes me want to reevaluate my creative process and push myself to become a more productive writer. This year is no different. As I’ve been thinking about creativity, I’ve begun evaluating my mindset as a creative person. 

I’ve realized that there are certain components that make up the mindset of a writer. First, you must have a willingness to experiment and try new things through the process of iteration. You have to reframe concepts of success and failure and view them more as part of the process. And, you have to realize that word choice matters; the things we tell ourselves about ourselves and our work matter.

The Key to Success and Productivity is Iteration

What’s iteration? Simply put, it’s when you keep trying things out and tweaking your process until you get it right. This approach is huge in the tech startup world, where programmers develop rudimentary Beta versions and continually improve the product in subsequent updates. We think nothing if a piece of software creates an update to fix bugs and other problems, yet as writers we often beat ourselves up for the slightest imperfections, both in our writing projects and in our process itself.

I’m here to tell you that it’s OK to be imperfect. It’s OK to mess up. It’s OK to try different things and explore brand new ideas. Go ahead, try a writing technique out and if it doesn’t work, just ditch it and try something else.

There are two sides to iteration. The first is we must be persistent and keep writing, even when it’s hard or painful and crafting each word feels like pulling teeth. On the flip-side, though, iteration also means letting go of habits or techniques that aren’t working for you. As writers, we sometimes fall into the trap of thinking that just because a certain technique worked for another great writer, it should work for us. Then when that technique doesn’t work, we feel like there’s something wrong with us because that other writer’s method didn’t take.

For example, when I read Stephen King’s memoir On Writing, I was very shaken by the part where he talks about his writing and reading habits. According to King, a “real writer” must write 2,000 words per day and read upwards of 80 books in a year. I tried following his advice, really I did. And I failed miserably and felt horrible about my writing. 

That was when it hit me that Stephen King’s writing habits might work for Stephen King, but that didn’t necessarily mean they would work for Gabriela Pereira or any other writer for that matter. I realized that I needed to test out my own writing habits and find something that worked for me.

After that, with a long-time process of trial and error, I discovered that I write best in the late morning and late afternoon, that I do my best work with headphones on and music blaring, and that I need short, contained blocks of time. For reading, I’ve found that 25-30 books per year is my “sweet spot” and that I love reading on public transit or late at night under the covers with a book light (like I did when I was a kid). Without iteration, I’d probably still be mentally flogging myself for not writing 2,000 words per day and reading 80+ books per year.

Why Does Iteration Work?

The answer is twofold. First, iteration makes you mindful of your work habits and writing process. It also pushes you to adopt a meta-view about your writing, which can lead to more objectivity. Let’s delve into these three reasons further, shall we?

You become a more mindful writer.

When you iterate and test out different aspects of your writing process, it pushes you to become a more mindful writer. Mindfulness and meditation are techniques that I’ve been exploring, both in my writing life and my real life over the years. The idea of mindfulness is to become aware of your mind—to observe your thoughts and where they go—but then to be able to let them go.

When you practice iteration in your writing process, it makes you more aware of your habits: both what works and what doesn’t. As you iterate and observe your habits, you’ll become better able to shape your process and become more a more effective and productive writer.

You adopt a meta mindset.

This goes hand-in-hand with mindfulness. When you iterate and test your process, it pushes you to adopt a meta-view of your writing. This creates a certain distance between you and your work, distance that can help you gain a more objective perspective about your project.

We writers can get very emotionally involved with our writing. Our characters become like close friends and the world of our writing becomes a private sanctuary. When it comes time to evaluate our work, this emotional connection makes us very biased. When we embrace iteration as part of our writing process, it creates a disconnect between us and our writing and this makes it easier to be objective with our decisions.

Reframe Success and Failure

“Ever tried. Ever failed. No matter.
Try again. Fail again. Fail better.”
~Samuel Beckett

This is one of my favorite quotes because it gets at the heart of what iteration is all about. In order to iterate, we must embrace failure and mistakes as a central part of our creative process. Failure is not some big, scary thing. It’s part of the game. I like to think of it as sort of like playing golf. I’ve tried to learn, but when it comes to hand-eye coordination, I’m hopeless. Many of my cousins and other relatives play, so I grew up hearing a lot of golf talk.

Here’s the thing: the whole idea with golf is getting the lowest possible score. You would think, then, that the ultimate victory–the epitome of perfection (at least in theory)–would be to score a “zero.” Here’s the catch: if you score a “zero” that means you didn’t actually play the game. The minute you step out onto the tee and take your first swing, you’re getting an imperfect score. Failure and imperfection are built into the premise of the game. In order to play, you have to fail.

We need to embrace failure as being a core part of the creative process, just as it is a core part of playing golf. When we fail, let’s celebrate and embrace that fact. It means we’re out there, playing the game and doing the work.

Word Choice Matters

One of our superpowers as writers is our massive vocabulary. This gives us the power to choose the word and the meaning that we apply to our lives and our writing. Thomas Edison once said, “I have not failed. I’ve just found 10,000 ways that didn’t work.” This reframing is key. 

You may have heard me ask in webinars who is an aspiring writer. Lots of people raise their hands. But really, it’s a trick question. No one is an “aspiring” writer. If you write, you are a writer. Period. End of story. It’s a telling fact that so many of us need to qualify our status as writers by calling ourselves “aspiring.” In fact, I’ve found this is true with most creative careers, where we’ll hear people say they are aspiring actors or musicians, but we never hear someone call themselves an “aspiring plumber” or an “aspiring neuroscientist.”

I share this anecdote to underscore the power of words, even if those words seem inconsequential. Whether we tack on the dreaded a-word when we call ourselves writers, is only the tip of the iceberg. The truth is, every word matters, and when we talk about ourselves, those are often the most influential words of all. What we tell ourselves about our writing not only shifts our perspective about the work itself but shades how we view ourselves as creative people.

My challenge for you today is to think—really think—about the words you use when you talk about yourself, your life, your creative process, and even your health, either physical or mental. Strip those words down to their barest essentials. Try to understand that deeper meaning behind them.

Then choose one word or short phrase and rewrite it. Use different words. Be deliberate.

We are working behind the scenes at DIY MFA on a new program that focuses on mindset for writers. If you want to stay in the loop, sign up here to get emails as we release more information.

Gabriela Pereira is an author, speaker, and entrepreneur who wants to challenge the status quo of higher education. As the founder and instigator of DIYMFA.com, her mission is to empower writers, artists and other creatives to take an entrepreneurial approach to their education and professional growth.Gabriela earned her MFA in writing from The New School and speaks at college campuses and national conferences. She is also the host of DIY MFA Radio, a popular podcast where she interviews bestselling authors and book industry professionals and author of the book DIY MFA: Write with Focus, Read with Purpose, Build Your Community.

The post Mindset Tools for Writers appeared first on DIY MFA.

What is Reframing? 

Reframing means looking at something from another angle. When we use our imagination to view an issue from another direction, the fear or discomfort caused by that issue often subsides. We take our power back and transform this challenge into an opportunity. We engage our curiosity and ask why instead of just accepting the circumstance.

Often, when we receive a rejection for our work, we think of it as rejecting us, our talent, our dream. However, that’s often not the case. 

Many world-famous authors (note the “s”!) received rejection letters. 

In his book On Writing, Stephen King talks about having to replace the nail he used to impale his rejection slips with a spike since the nail wouldn’t support the weight. 

Kenneth Grahame was told that his classic children’s book Wind in the Willows would never sell. 

Catch-22, a cornerstone of American literature, was named after the number of rejections Joseph Heller received.

Does that change the way you look at their work? Of course not! Rejection is a normal part of the writer’s life. 

Reframing rejection supports us as we build the necessary resilience to move forward. It keeps us in a mode of learning and enthusiasm as we pursue our art.

Here are some tips on reframing rejection so you can take back your power:

Ways to Reframe

First, let’s talk about my most abhorred rejection, the one where the writing slips into the ethers of the internet and no one responds. I call this particular rejection “crickets” because that’s all I hear after the work goes out. 

In this case, that lack of response usually lies with the number of works received. Large numbers of submissions combine with the limited ability of an editor to reply to each author and make the “crickets” response unavoidable. After all, there are only so many hours in each day. SInce the tidal wave of work can overwhelm even the most dedicated editor, we can know the issue here is not our writing but their lack of time. 

How can you reframe this? Take your power and set your own deadline. If they miss it, feel free to send your query to the next editor on the list. 

Going through “crickets” multiple times makes any actual communication, even if it is a rejection of the work, feel like a prize. A simple “no” from an editor sends me running around the house yelling “YAHOOOO!”

So, why did they reject our work?

Most often, our work is rejected because it isn’t what the editor or agent is looking for at this time. Plain and simple. Maybe your short story about vampires landed on their desk at the end of a long spate of vampire stories or a romance novel set in 1920’s Portland refuses to spark your targeted agent. 

Or maybe your work showed up on a bad day. 

Or, or, or…. 

As our queries float out into the ethers of the internet, we cannot control any of these outside influences. None of this means we aren’t talented writers. It only means that it’s not time for that piece with that person.

Sometimes our writing just doesn’t resonate with that specific person. In that case, do we really want them touching our precious words? No! Of course not! 

The editor or agent who believes in our work blesses us by becoming an advocate, so don’t settle for someone who isn’t enthusiastic about your work. Remove that person from your list and move on to the next one. FYI—there will always be a next one.

Occasionally, we offend someone and they reject our work. Guess what? That means your work has a point of view. If you are doing your job as a human and an artist, then you can expect some people to reject your work. Take it as a sign you are making art. Rejoice in these rejections, you fabulous artist! 

How Can We Practice Reframing Rejection?

Of course, when we receive these rejections, they hit us hard. That’s natural, and taking a moment to indulge in some tears or screaming can be a good release. But, how do you build up your resilience so you can bounce back after these unfortunate occurrences?

Reflect on Past Rejection

First, it’s worth thinking back to other times in your life when rejection has occurred. How did you overcome and release those rejections? What were ways that worked for you to move past them? 

Maybe you turned a high school bully into the murder victim in a short story or blessed an ex as they moved on or cleaned out a room to get rid of the bad energy. 

Make a list of methods you used to get over those old rejections. When you think you’ve remembered all of the ways, see if you can’t think of another couple more. 

With that list, consider which of these strategies you might use to reframe this particular rejection. Pick one and give it a try.

But maybe you have always had a hard time with rejection, and can’t think of a time that you were able to release this horrible feeling. 

Use Your Imagination

Now is the time to engage your imagination! 

Can you employ your curiosity to discover how this rejection expanded your experience? When reviewing your submission, did you find small mistakes that needed a bit of tweaking? Did the distance from your work help you to make a realization about the true path of your heroine?

Indulge a Little

Or maybe you just need a cuddle with the cat, a long bath, and a square of chocolate. A little self-pampering can ease a saddened heart and give you energy for the next run at the prize. And what a great excuse!

Get Creative

How about devoting yourself to those who love your writing instead of dwelling on the people who rejected your work? 

Switch your focus from the harshness of rejection to the welcoming warmth of your fans. How can you serve your readers by creating MORE of THAT? 

Your loyal readers want what you write. Give them what they desire instead of spending time obsessing over those few who aren’t fans. 

If All Else Fails…

Finally, if all else fails, listen to Ted Lasso. “You know what the happiest animal on Earth is? It’s a goldfish. You know why? Got a ten-second memory.” Be a goldfish! 

Reframing rejection allows you to process the less pleasant part of writing without allowing it to pull you off track. Building this resilience makes you a stronger writer and artist, making it easier for you to send your words into the world for your real fans to find.

***This piece is inspired by Kaizen-Muse Creativity Coaching Tools as I continue my journey to becoming certified in that style. You can find more information at https://www.kaizenmuse.com.

Tell us in the comments: What are your strategies for reframing rejection?

LA (as in tra-la-la) Bourgeois empowers you to embrace JOY as you manifest your creative goals through her Creativity and Business Coaching. Battle resistance, procrastination, and overwhelm with her at your side, gently encouraging with humor and heart. When not coaching, you’ll find her with a pen or knitting needles in her hands. Discover her free guide, “Tricking Yourself into a Creative Habit” online at labourgeois.biz and start writing those words today. She can’t wait to read them! You can find her on her website.

The post Strategies for Reframing Rejection appeared first on DIY MFA.

I called my mentor first, and I’ll never forget what he said after congratulating me: “Lauren, it’s not going to save you.”

It wasn’t until after publication I realized what he meant.

What Do You Do?

Whenever someone asked me this question, I would always tell them what my job was at the moment—barista, bookseller, bartender. I think maybe once I said “writer” to which the person replied, “What have you published?” I never said “writer” again.

I felt like I’d been caught in a lie. After all, I hadn’t been published and—if I’m being honest—I hadn’t been writing all that much. Dreams of becoming a writer and actually being one aren’t the same, right?

After Inconvenient Daughter became a book I could hold in my hands instead of an idea in my head, I thought so many things would change. I thought old boyfriends would regret leaving me, that my parents would admit I was right to pursue writing instead of becoming an accountant…I thought I would officially be inducted into “writerdom.” But none of those things happened.

Imposter Syndrome Runs Deep

I don’t know that anyone ever feels like a writer, but I can tell you that I certainly don’t. As a transracial adoptee—specifically, a Korean adoptee raised by white parents—my imposter syndrome runs pretty deep. I never feel wholly Korean or American, neither of Korea nor of America. 

It’s kind of the same with writing—I published a book, but I don’t feel like a writer.

Even now when people ask what I do, I tell them about the claims I process for insurance companies and field questions about their health benefits. And the more I think about it, the more I think we—the writing community—need to rethink what makes a writer a writer. We need to shake this imposter syndrome.

Us vs. Them

When I was in graduate school, the Us vs. Them mentality was strong. The “Us” being those of us in MFA programs, the “them” being those who weren’t. But “Us vs. Them” extends to publishing too. I used to think what separated writers and dreamers was an ISBN, but the reality is the only thing separating writers from identifying as writers is the mentality that there’s a specific set of requirements to be a writer, AKA imposter syndrome.

So, for whoever needs to hear this, if you dream of writing—you are a writer. 

If you avoid writing and wish you didn’t—you are a writer. 

And, if you’re not published, if you’re not in an MFA program, if you’ve gotten a ton of rejections—you are a writer. 

Get rid of that imposter syndrome once and for all. You are a writer.

Dream on.

Lauren J. Sharkey is a writer, teacher, and transracial adoptee. Inconvenient Daughter is her debut novel, and loosely based on her experience as a Korean adoptee. You can follow her at ljsharks.com, and on Facebook, Instagram, and Twitter.

The post Faker: On Fighting Imposter Syndrome appeared first on DIY MFA.

Your research likely revealed tips on establishing better writing structures, getting ruthless with your time management, and just writing. All of this guidance is useful, but leaves out an important creative ally—our bodies. 

The most effective tools I’ve got for shifting my resistance come from connecting with my body. 

These tips, by the way, come from my experiences of creative resistance and writer’s block, and plenty of formal study and inner-work in the embodiment and somatic (body) realms. I have found that states of creative resistance have to do with whether our bodies feel settled and at ease, or whether they’re charged up and overwhelmed. In fact, if we’re holding a lot of stress in our bodies and nervous systems, it’ll express itself in ways that look a lot like writer’s block and creative resistance. If this is the case, the best way to shift your resistance is to tend to your body. 

But why might our bodies be holding stress? When we encounter danger or a threat (even small ones that are over quickly, like close calls while crossing the street) our bodies react to protect us by engaging in a self-protective fight, flight, or freeze response. This is all very natural. Then, after the danger is over, if we get to discharge that response (often through “weird” responses like laughter, tears, shaking, fury, etc.) we go back to life, feeling fine. 

However, if we don’t discharge our body’s danger response, we get stuck in a loop. In subtle ways, our bodies stay “on.” Always tense and ready to either bolt, argue, resist, or shut-down. If we get stuck in a loop, it becomes difficult to get into the flow of our creative work. Our bodies, which are still scanning for danger, are directing our attention towards safety and vigilance. Then we can go for years, even decades, feeling stuck. 

As writers, these states of resistance are so distressing. We sit down with time carved out and good intentions, only to find ourselves shut down, not writing. 

We don’t have to stay stuck though. Once we make our bodies our most trusted creative allies, we free up the energy that’s stuck and instead devote it to writing. But how? You’ll want to get intimate with how the states of overwhelm, perfectionism, procrastination, and self-doubt feel in your body, so you can identify what triggers and intensifies them. 

Let’s explore these states and how they show up in your body, so you can shift them and write! 

1. Ask

When you notice forms of creative resistance, ask how your body feels. Try to name physical sensations (without labeling them good or bad.) 

For example, when I get overwhelmed, I notice piles of clutter build up. Overwhelm thinks like a squirrel, with scattered, sharp right turns in subject and topic. Overwhelm is, in my body, contraction and fatigue. I feel smaller, my vision feels darker and narrowed in. Overwhelm often makes it difficult to prioritize options and decide. 

Perfectionism feels like I’m frozen in shame. I stop writing, feel immobilized, but, strangely, can do a lot of daydreaming, research, skill acquisition (so many workshops), and future planning (ie: researching all stages of the publication process before I’ve written over five pages.) 

Procrastination feels like a pinch behind the eyes, a clenched heart, and escalating panic. My belly gets pressurized and I devote plenty of my energy to not doing my writing. I project roadblocks into the future. 

Self-doubt feels like a clench in my guts. A swirling in my eyes. A sensation of smallness in my body. 

The good news is it’s possible to gently and incrementally shift out of these resistance states. When you do, your creativity will flow with much more ease. No need to ever again be a tortured writer! 

2. Pay Attention

Gently make friends with your body and pay attention. 

Making friends with your body looks like asking yourself what sensation you’re feeling at any given moment. This is the key. 

For example, if my mind spins and my apartment accumulates little piles of clutter, I know I’m in a state of overwhelm. This is my clue to pay attention. 

I ask how my thoughts are. Spinning. Ok. I do a body scan and ask “What am I feeling in my body?” Because I know worry and overthinking makes my guts ache and bloat, I go straight there and ask how they are. 

Guts, how are you doing? They say, “Yucky. Stop worrying so much, you’re making us hurt.” Ok. Got it. Anything else? Shoulders? Jaw? Back of the neck? How are you feeling? “Tight and tense.” Yeah, ok. 

Well, I don’t like this somatic state I’m in. I better shift it, because I know from experience if I leave it, it’ll get worse and my writing will suffer. 

3. Collect Tools

Create a collection of tools to shift your body responses so you can get unstuck and back to writing. 

Then do them every time your body tells you it’s uncomfortable. Doing the body-based techniques is important. You can’t just read about it. It works because it’s experiential. Otherwise, you’ll increase your stress trying-to-figure-it-out in your head, over-researching, overthinking, seeking the big dramatic magic cure. Don’t avoid the gentle, consistent somatic practices that will truly move you out of creative resistance. 

To get you started, here are some of my free somatic techniques: 

• Tending to your breath. If you feel distressed, bring attention to your breathing and do ten in-out breaths, making sure your exhale is slightly longer than your inhale. 
• Doing a simple two-minute O.M.G. exercise (orient, mobilize, ground.) Orient to the surrounding space by letting your gaze land on a tangible physical object, then name three specific, non-abstract details about it. (Repeat two more times.) Mobilize by wiggling your fingers and toes and noticing sensation. Ground by sending your attention to your sit bones and feet, then follow the pull of gravity, with your imagination, into the earth.
• Giving yourself a friendly hug/squeeze. Firmly grasp your arms or legs in your hands and squeeze with solid pressure for a couple minutes. 
• Body-oiling. Just google “body-oiling + nervous system.”
• Dancing. Letting your body move to music helps bounce and shake the resistance out. 
• 20 minutes of walking. Without trying to be productive or using audio, just roam. Notice your  surroundings and settle into the rhythmic movement. 
• Any kind of handwork (drawing, woodwork, pottery, knitting, weaving, sewing, embroidery, cutting/chopping/cooking, etcetera.) The rhythmic repetitive movements inherent to handwork helps shift creative resistance. 
• Eating healthy fats and proteins. It grounds and settles your body. 
• Setting a timer for 10+ minutes and flow-writing (by hand). 

All you need to do as you develop your list of getting-unstuck tools is pick the something on your list, and do it. No ifs, ands, or buts. 

Because if all we do is cultivate self-awareness without building a toolkit of ways to move our awareness into tangible change, we’ll trap ourselves in the uncomfortable state (yes, I’ve been here too) of seeing, with exquisite clarity, how we’re blocked, without being able to change it. 

A bonus of making our bodies our most trusted creative allies? We develop an expressive somatic (body-based) vocabulary. It becomes easier to describe our character’s physical experiences and articulate them, because we’re in touch with our body. 

Last step? 

Repeat the process when you feel resistance creeping back in.

Janelle Hardy is a writer, artist, host of the Personal Mythmaking Podcast and the creator/teacher of a transformational memoir-writing course called The Art of Personal Mythmaking. She’s been working as a trauma-informed bodyworker in the hands-on healing arts fields for 13+ years and as an artist (writing, painting + dance) for 17+ years. Throughout that time she’s taught adults out of her living room, arts centers, universities and community colleges. For the past 5+ years she’s integrated all of her expertise, including a BA in Anthropology, an MA in Dance and a Diploma in Structural Integration, into supporting people in their creative healing work via the alchemy of transformational memoir-writing.

The post Shift Creative Resistance Using Your Body appeared first on DIY MFA.

1) Write Down Your Motivations

The process of de-cluttering can take a while, and it’s easy to lose sight of why you’re doing it. Before I actually set about the process, I made a plan, but I also wanted a reminder of my motivations. At the top and bottom of the list, I wrote two quotes that, for me, summed up why I wanted to de-clutter my space. First was a Bible verse, Matthew 6:20-21: “But store up for yourselves treasures in heaven, where moths do not destroy, and thieves do not break in and steal. For where your treasure is, there your heart will be also.” It applied equally to my faith, my creative pursuits and my relationships–the things I say are most important to me. The question, of course, is does my life reflect that?

That brought me to the second quote. It’s from one of my favorite books on writing, Mary Oliver’s Upstream. At the end of the first chapter, she writes “Attention is the beginning of devotion.” What we pay attention to is what we truly value. I wanted to gain more focus: from my phone, from my email, from social media and Netflix, so I could act more intentionally on the things I say I care about. Chief among these, of course, is writing, but also my job, health, relationships, faith, finances and knowledge.

Minimalism isn’t one-size-fits all. In fact, it’s the exact opposite. If you’re considering trying it out, ask yourself what you hope to achieve and why. Envision your space. Envision your life. There’s no right or wrong answer–just the one that fits what matters most to you! For me, having quotes that crystallized my motivations was helpful. In The Life Changing Magic of Tidying Up, Marie Kondo asks her readers to envision the space they want to live in. Do what works for you!

A lot of the benefits of this de-cluttering process were secondary to my original goals, but I do think it’s important to ask yourself why you want to de-clutter and–more importantly–what you hope to achieve. Inevitably, the space you inhabit becomes a reflection of the life you’re leading, which is a reflection of your priorities.

2) Make a De-Cluttering Plan

There are a lot of different ideas about how to go about becoming a minimalist. Ryan Nicodemus and Joshua Fields Milburn, “The Minimalists” have two suggestions. The first is a thirty day “minimalism game,” wherein you discard one item on day one, two on day two, and so on and so forth. Another method they used is a “packing party,” where you pack up everything you own (or everything in a room, or even a drawer) as if you were moving. Then, you only unpack things you use.

Marie Kondo has a different method. Her idea is that you only need to de-clutter once if you do it right. And the way to de-clutter is by category. So, for example, you de-clutter all of your clothing at once. Literally. You pull out every shoe, every winter coat, every article of clothing you own and go through them all at once, as opposed to going through your things closet by closet.

In my minimalism experiment, I didn’t exactly do any of these methods, with mixed results, which I’ll talk more about in detail in my next article. I de-cluttered partially by category, and partially by furniture. This was in part because I had already de-cluttered once, so I didn’t really need to do a big haul. But having a plan–not only of what I needed to de-clutter, but when I was going to do it, helped me to get the job done in a timely manner.

One thing I would suggest–give yourself a reasonable, but tight time limit. For me, a month was sufficient, because I have a pretty small apartment. It might be longer, depending on the size of the space. But having a given amount of time to work through the de-cluttering process helps ensure that it will actually get done.

3) Leave Room for Inspiration

Minimalism isn’t about what you throw away: it’s about what you keep. It’s about designing a life that reflects what you value. De-cluttering is a way of clarifying this. It’s a process. The real benefits of minimalism happen along the way.

As I was de-cluttering and simplifying my space, I had a lot of ideas about how I could go about simplifying the rest of my life, and focusing on the important things. Some were obvious, like going to the gym, cooking and hosting more, turning off my phone and reading before bed. Others, though, were not things I’d thought of before.

For example, having a quiet, calm space made me think more about how hectic living in New York is. This is a constant struggle for me, but I’ve written it off as something I can’t fix. However, as I was de-cluttering, I started thinking about ways to carve more quiet even in the midst of chaos. Time and space for reflection are important to me, and the constant busyness and craziness of New York, especially the subway, make finding peace and quiet impossible. I can’t change where I live, but was there something I could change?  It occurred to me: what if I tried walking to work?

At first, the idea wasn’t appealing. It meant adding half an hour to what is already a pretty long commute. But, if I were able to make it work, I’d build in quiet time as well as exercise, avoid the stress and annoyance of the subway and save money. I decided to give it a try. Almost a month later, I’m hooked on this new habit.

As you’re de-cluttering, leave room to experiment with other ways to simplify and enrich your life, as these ideas come to you. I recently read this article, about experimenting with new habits, and found it extremely helpful for putting this idea in perspective. Joshua Fields Milburn also talks about this in his book, Everything That Remains. He experimented with not having home internet, not having a cell phone, and even went a whole year without buying anything. That might be extreme for most people, but I bet there are other ideas that will come to you as you are de-cluttering. The point isn’t that you have to stick to these habits. It’s giving yourself the freedom to try them out.

Have you experimented with minimalism? What were your methods? Let me know in the comments!

The post Three Tips for Trying Out Minimalism appeared first on DIY MFA.

If you answered “Yes” to the question in the title, then you got it wrong.

The fabulous Kristen Lamb—author, blogger, and friend—often gives this pop quiz at conferences. She’ll tell the audience: “Raise your hand if you’re an aspiring writer.” Some people wave wildly like the writing version of Hermione Granger. A few others hesitate at first, then slowly muster the strength to sneak their hand up. After a few seconds, most of the room has their hand in the air. I’ll admit, the first time I heard hear ask this question even I raised my hand.

Of course as the audience soon discovers, this is a trick question.

No one is an “aspiring” writer. If you write, you are a writer. Period. End of story. It’s a telling fact that so many of us need to qualify our status as writers by calling ourselves “aspiring.” In fact, I’ve found this is true with most creative careers, where we’ll hear people say they are aspiring actors or musicians, but we never hear someone call themselves an “aspiring plumber” or an “aspiring neuroscientist.”

I share this anecdote to underscore the power of words, even if those words seem inconsequential. Whether we tack on the dreaded a-word when we call our selves writers, is only the tip of the iceberg. The truth is, every word matters, and when we talk about ourselves, those are often the most influential words of all. What we tell ourselves about our writing not only shifts our perspective about the work itself, but shades how we view ourselves as creative people.

Last November I shared a personal story with this community, and today I wanted to take that story one step further. I want to talk about how the language I’ve chosen around bipolar disorder has shaped both the way I see my illness and how I live with it. These nuances might seem like mere semantics, but as writers we know how much words matter. Here are two decisions I have made regarding word choice and how they have influenced my thoughts, my beliefs, and even my actions.

Being vs. Having

“My friend/sister/neighbor is bipolar.” This is a refrain I’ve heard often since sharing the story about my illness. I’ve even had some people tell me: “I’m bipolar, too.”

Every time I hear the word “is” or “am” in relation to mental illness it makes my skin bristle, because I refuse to think of myself as someone who is her mental illness. I usually try to correct people (lovingly, of course), using the word “have” in place of the verb “to be.”

Early on, I decided this disease was not going to define who I am. I may be many things—a woman, a Brazilian-American, a New Yorker, and word-nerd-in-chief at DIY MFA—but I most certainly am not my mental illness. Yes, I have bipolar, the same way someone might have cancer, only we don’t call them “cancerous.”

This being vs. having conundrum has challenged me to develop more empathy for how other people describe themselves as well. When I talk to someone about charged topics, I’m very careful to listen to how they describe themselves. After all, just because I have decided not to define myself by my diagnosis doesn’t mean that another person might not make a different choice, and if I impose my choice on them, I’m no better than those people who label me by my mental illness.

This need for empathy and understanding applies to any aspect of identity, by the way, including gender, race, nationality, socioeconomic status, mental health, or even politics. The key is remembering that the words we choose—even something as seemingly minor as the distinction between being vs. having—can have a profound impact on how we think.

Because vs. Despite

I recently took a writing class where I submitted an essay about bipolar disorder. When it was time to discuss my piece, the teacher said how inspiring it was that I accomplished so much despite having this huge obstacle in my life. I almost choked on my coffee when I heard this. And after a few other students echoed the sentiment, I knew the conversation would amount to little more than “inspiration porn.”

A lot of people talk about success as either something we achieve either because of our good qualities and advantages, or as something we reach despite the challenges we face.

But when it comes to bipolar disorder, this because vs. despite dichotomy is problematic. Some might argue that this illness has helped spur my creative accomplishments, not unlike that idealized image we have of a tortured artist. In fact, Kay Redfield Jamison’s book Touched with Fire suggests a strong tie between bipolar illness and creativity. You could also use it to explain away some of my less glamorous moments: “Don’t mind Gabriela… she’s just having one of her episodes.” On the other hand, you could take the same position as that writing teacher, stressing how inspiring it is that I achieved so much, despite the setbacks caused by my topsy-turvy brain chemistry.

Though “because” and “despite” seem to be opposites in this context, I dislike them for the same reason, because they imply causality between my achievements (or boneheaded failures) and my illness. The truth is, that causal link doesn’t actually exist. Bipolar isn’t something I’ve succeeded because of or in spite of, it’s simply something that has been alongside me throughout my journey.

Choosing to say “alongside” is key. This subtle semantic shift has overturned how I perceive the illness itself and the role it plays in my life. It is no longer a partner in crime or an obstacle I must overcome, it’s just a fellow traveler on the road with me.

It’s Your Turn

My challenge for you today is to think—really think—about the words you use when you talk about yourself, your life, your creative process, and even your health, either physical or mental. Strip those words down to their barest essentials. Try to understand that deeper meaning behind them.

Then choose one word or short phrase and rewrite it. Use different words. Be deliberate. I gave you two examples here. Now it’s time to make your own.

As always, keep writing and keep being awesome!

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